Day 1 – 1st September 2014

What are my goals for this academic year?

Last year will be hard to beat and I’m recognising that this is part of my current panic.  What if the work goes back to zero?  Does this mean I’ve failed?  Will I be too bored to continue?  What if I never experience those heights of work satisfaction again?

You see, caught up in negative thinking already.  What do I know know that I’m going to find out in six months’ time, when I’ve calmed down a bit?

I know that most of what was great about last year came out of collaboration with some fine, free-thinking minds:  The Community of Praxis.  That, collectively, we had the skills and energy to make exciting stuff happen.  I know that by the end of July, we had our plans written up in ideas form, so this year isn’t a scary blank white page.  I know, too, that some stuff didn’t get finished off and that needs doing and that the thought of this is blocking the new stuff, as though the new stuff is a treat that can only be glimpsed when the penance of the old stuff is dealt with.

OK, that helps.  I can think now.

This year, I have three broad goals.

1.  To fund and develop at least two innovative CPD projects.

2.  To write a book.

3.  To launch a financially sustainable CPD programme.

Breathe…yes.  It feels good to write that down.  How ridiculous would it be if that wonderful stuff didn’t get done, because I never got to the bottom of the 35 pages of emails I’ve just peeked at (and quickly shut down)?  Or if I had no energy for innovation because I stayed awake all night worrying about doing something I could easily just do (this is a thing with me)?

I’m not suggesting cherry picking here, but I am recognising that I have a tendency when not in full flow to be paralysed by the stuff I’ve not done, so that I end up doing neither that or the new stuff.  My friend @plookit points out that this is a self-belief issue, rather than a blockage based on anything real.  Time to dust off what I know to be true – and proceed with the future.

2 thoughts on “Day 1 – 1st September 2014”

  1. That last section sums up TOAD (the warty and heavy weight of procrastination sitting on your back).Catatonic, locked from both directions until you alter your belief, and that comes from people in your community facilitating you in the process of looking inside and making changes. ‘Choices and Changes’ or wallow in the false belief that you are incurable. I got cured of the Toad and I didn’t have to go to Lourdes either (went there when I was 12 though)

  2. If going to Lourdes is what it will take to get rid of this paralysing panic, I’m booking my flight! It’s almost a physical oppression, isn’t it? Definitely time for a Thinking Environment session – and time, too, to invest in thinking/reflexion/meditation time, rather than diving straight into the Vortex.

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